Catching a Break At Home
Here in Wisconsin we are settling into the heart of winter, with many months of cold weather still to go. Some days are too cold to send the kids outside, and most indoor activities are still closed due to the pandemic. All of this combined with homeschooling multiple young children means that I need to create breaks for myself throughout the day. I don’t know a single homeschooling mother of more than one child who survives and thrives WITHOUT creating routine breaks for herself. When you are surrounded by Small, Needy, Talkative People all day, every day, you must find some space in order to retain your sanity. If you happen to be an introvert, you must find even MORE space.
And it’s not just for mom’s sanity; there are some things I need to work on that are just difficult to do with little ones around. It might be certain chores, or dinner prep, or preparing a Sunday school lesson, or homeschool planning, or writing a blog post, or devotions, or a house project, or a workout. Some days it might be a nap or reading or scrolling through Instagram.
Whatever you might use them for, breaks are good and needed. Of course, there will be days where someone is sick or hurt or is potty training or you’ve got a million errands to do – and all of this goes out the window. God gives grace even (especially) on the days when you desperately want a break but there’s just no way it’s gonna happen! However, it’s so much easier to face those days when we know that we have a consistent and life-giving routine to come back to afterwards. It truly makes our days so much smoother and happier than they would be without these tools. I pull them out as needed – not all of them every day, but just enough to get us through the day while still enjoying each other’s company.
How We Catch a Break at Home
Nap/Rest Time
This one is non-negotiable and we only skip it on very rare, very special events. Every afternoon the boys go to separate rooms (or spaces or couches) and have a quiet rest time while Baby Sister naps. They have books and a few toys to keep them occupied and every once in a blue moon one of them will fall asleep if they are particularly tired. No one fights it because it has been our routine literally since the day they were born, and we all get a much-needed hour and a half of quiet time.
Independent Playtime
We love this one so much that I wrote an entire blog post about it here. I would say it’s most useful in the baby & toddler years – we use it more sporadically with our three boys now that they are past that stage. However, even with them it can be helpful to give them some “alone time” if they need a break from the rest of the family. With babies and toddlers it is a literal LIFESAVER. Baby Sister does 45 minutes of independent playtime in her room, twice a day, and I don’t know how we would get any school work done without it.
TV/Screen Time
We don’t own a tv, and the more I read about it the more wary I am of screen time – and yet, it’s an area of liberty, and I personally believe one of the very few valid reasons for its use is to give mom a break at the end of a long day. I have no delusions about its educational value – pretty much any other thing your child could be doing would be more valuable and more educational – but I will use it judiciously as a treat for them or for a break for me. Some seasons of life (or of the year) we will go weeks and weeks without watching anything – other seasons they’ll watch a 30 minute show on our computer every day. It ebbs and flows but I’m happy to use it when we really need it.
Outdoor Time
Only recently have our boys been able to play outside in all four seasons without me, and let me tell you, it is amazing! We are blessed with a fenced-in backyard, so most days I can send them out to play and then sweep the floors or load the dishwasher or drink my coffee in (relative) peace. It’s good for them and good for me – and once Baby Sister is a little more stable on her feet, she and I will likely join them because we need the fresh air and exercise too.
Walks
This might not sound like a break because, yes, all your children are still with you, and yes, it’s probably still pretty noisy – but sometimes all I need is some fresh air to feel refreshed and calmed. And as a bonus, the noise doesn’t seem quite so overwhelming when you’re outside!
Reading Time
We don’t use this one every day, but some days I will tell the boys “It’s quiet reading time now!” and I set the timer and everyone picks a book or two or twenty and reads until it rings. Pre-readers, babies included, can flip through picture books; mom can join in too if she wants! Timers are really lovely when you want your children to learn to persevere in an activity without lots of nagging or complaining. It’s a clear and impartial judge of time and if your child complains that they want to be done early, “the timer didn’t ring yet” is a calm and unarguable answer.
Games/Assigned Playtime
One of the many, many perks of slightly older children is that they can play real games, together, sometimes even without parental involvement! Once in a while during dinner prep I will tell them to pick a game and play it together and it *usually* goes fairly smoothly. Other days I might tell them to play with __________ (fill-in-the-blank toy or activity that hasn’t been done recently) until the timer rings, or until Daddy gets home. Sometimes one of them will protest, but I ask them just to try it for a little while, and nine times out of ten after five minutes they’re engaged and busy.
Wake Up Before the Kids/Stay Up After the Kids
This definitely did NOT happen much when I was pregnant, but if you have the energy, it is surprisingly rewarding to have a quiet centering time before the children descend upon you! We try to stay consistent with bedtimes for our children (7:30pm is the norm right now) so that we have a couple hours free in the evening before our own bedtime.
Finally, I have to remind myself that all we do must be bathed in prayer and seasoned with grace and love. It’s quite possible to do all of the above with purely selfish motives without ever considering the needs of my children. If they truly need me, firstly I must be aware enough to notice it, and secondly I must be willing to sacrifice my own “break” in order to serve them. Children are people too, not just little distractions to be neatly organized and then relegated to the other room! We need quiet time and breaks from each other, but we equally need time together and conversations and practice in conflict resolution and a million other teachable moments. It’s a constant balancing act to order our days in a way that meets both needs.
If anyone lacks wisdom, let him (her) ask God, who gives generously to all.
James 1:5
Every family has different strategies and routines that will work well for them. Some of what we do might not work for you, and that’s perfectly fine! However, it’s empowering to know that most days, we have a choice in how our day flows (if something is not working, I can change it!) – and on the days that we don’t, we have a choice in how we respond to the disruption. Maybe, just maybe, if you feel constantly overwhelmed by the weight of motherhood and homeschooling, you – and your kids – could use a few more breaks during the day.
Originally written January 6 2021
